Life Changes...

So life has been all over for the past year. I've succeeded and lost all within 3 months. I would say October 2009 would have been one of the worst periods of my life. I lost one of the only men in my life that was ever there for me. My grandpa died October 16th which completely turned my whole world upside down. I had never lost anyone close to me before and it hits me like a ton of bricks. I guess I should give a little background into what led up to this. For the past year he had been in and out of the hospital we never knew from one week to the next how he would be. In September things had gone from ok to bad in the matter of a few days. He was admitted to the hospital for a blood infection and been told he would be going home in a few days. A few days turned into a few weeks until he ended up in ICU with tubes in him helping him breathe. The doctors still had high hopes things would improve. Hubby and I would go and visit every week at least twice a week. On October 15th the he was moved to a nursing home in homes of getting him rehabed to come home. Unfornatly that day never came sometime on the night of October 16th my grandpa passed. I will remember that phone call for the rest of my life 12:30am my mom calls and tells me to come to my grandparents house my grandpa has passed away. I woke hubby up got dressed some how drove over there and I don't really know the rest of the night is still pretty much a blur to me. My grandpa was the sweetest and most caring man in the world. His love was something he gave freely and was protective of everyone he loved. There is so much I can say about him I just don't know how to put it into words. The weeks that followed this were a blur including my 26th birthday which was on the 31st of October. I remember coming home one day and undecorating my whole house for Halloween. It's said people gieve in there on way I guess I couldn't handle celebrating anything.
During all this time I was going through Student Teaching. Anyone who has ever experienced this knows the time and decication that goes into it. I have no idea how I went through with it and finished. My students in the classroom I would say played an important role in keeping me from breaking down everyday. I made it through and graduated in December and in a way I think my grandpa was looking down on me and was proud.
Life has improved some since October, Christmas was sad hubby tried to make it normal for me which meant he tried to spoil me. He has been my rock throughout all of this and without him I would have not made it through the pain and sadness.

Yes I have come this far...

So its been a long time since I wrote about my life. Everything is kinda normal at the moment. I'm on break from school until the end of August. I start my student teaching and wow am I scared. This is like the final step wait this is the final step. I never thought I would get to this point. 16 weeks will make or break me and it all depends on a group of Kindergartens, one teacher, and one professor. I know teaching is what I want to do with my life I love being in the classroom and around the kids. I know everything will go fine I'm just nervous but I guess everyone is. Life will go on, I will pass and I will become a teacher. And after that its vacation 2 weeks of vacation away from everything. I think my vacation will give me that extra push to succeed and get through my student teaching with flying colors. I will not be defeated and I will enjoy every bit of time in the classroom.
I have decided tonight that I will not let IBS control my life I will control it. If you don't know what IBS is it stands for Irritable Bowel Syndrome which is a big word for my stomach hates me and doesn't want me to eat and if I do it makes sick and I have to become friends with the bathroom. I've been dealing with IBS since I was 17 so its been almost 9 years. It hasn't gottin any better it just has become a part of my life and the people who love me. I need to do something because just dealing with it isn't working for me anymore. I know its annoyies people in my life even if its just because they worry about me and want to help me. So Monday morning i'm calling my insurance to see what can be done about it and if I need a referral or not to see a stomach specialist. I hoping for some drugs and different ways of coping with it. One major thing that comes with IBS is stress makes it so much worse. I don't deal with stress well and with student teaching starting in a month and a half I need to get this under control. Oh well I'm off to bed I'm going to the zoo tomorrow with my hubby and dad. This should be a good day spent with two of my favorite men in the world.

It hurts so bad

I just don't even know where to start honestly. I feel like i'm not a good friend because I can't go to a funeral. I just can't handle going honestly I really can not deal with funeral homes at all. This year I had my uncle and great grandmother pass away. This might have something to do with it. After today and my visit with my grandparents I can't go at all. Grandpa went to have his kidney treatments done like he always has done 3 days a week 4 hours each day. Well I guess on Saturday his blood pressure got really low and he stopped breathing the nurse thought he died. He wasn't breathing for 45mins which scares me so bad. He has been my rock since I was a little girl he was there for me when the sperm donor walked out of my life. To walk him go through this is hurting me he was the strongest man to me as a kid I really depended on him for so much. He is so kind hearted and would do anything for his family. I just wish I had never heard about this because I worry so much about him. Even hubby is worried about him which tells me this is serious really serious. I just broke down today crying because its scary to watch him hurting and knowing theres nothing you can do to make the greatest man and grandpa in the world feel better. My grandmother is so strong to be able to be so strong in dealing with this I wish I had her strength and courage. It would probably be better if hubby was here but he does his job for us and our life. He's dealing with his own stuff his dad might have cancer its hard to deal with nothing someone you love could be hurting. Why can't life ever be easy just for a little bit.

Random Noises

I really hate being home alone some times. I hear so many noises in the house at night. I can't sleep without the TV on but I can't sleep with it on if that makes any sense. The other week hubby stayed out till 3am I was so mad because I had to be at work at 9am. Like I said I don't sleep well when he's not home but especially when he's going to come home and wake me up. My house makes so many noises all on its own and with the kitties help. A few months ago I heard there cat toy moving and they were all in bed with me. Its not a toy that can move without something moving it I think that was my cat Star who died in that room but still not what I needed at midnight. I guess I just wish DH was home more even though he does hog the covers.

Wonder

Sometimes I sit here and wonder how my life got this way. If I had made different choices how different would my life really be. I love my life how it is but I wish I would have figured out what to do with college a long time ago. Instead I've been there for 7 years and still need a year and a half to graduate. Growing wasn't in my plans till now. Getting married has defiantly made me look at my life. Its weird to say wow I'm married am I really that old my friends have children and we all responsibilities that I swear I never thought we would get to.

On to something happy hubby and I went to AAA this weekend and got the tickets for Disney. I'm hoping this year works out better than 4 years ago. I told myself I would never go back but I'm willing to give the "happiest" place on earth a second chance. lol I just can't wait to leave and get away from the drama that is my life. I try and get rid of the drama but its keeps popping up everywhere.

Our Trip

Hubby and I decided to go to Orlando for our "real" honeymoon. We really need this trip our lives are so crazy as of lately. I think going away for awhile will make my life a lot less stressful. I won't have to deal with everyones stuff. I did realize I will miss our fur babies so much I hate to leave them for so long but they will have lots of people looking after them.