It hurts so bad

I just don't even know where to start honestly. I feel like i'm not a good friend because I can't go to a funeral. I just can't handle going honestly I really can not deal with funeral homes at all. This year I had my uncle and great grandmother pass away. This might have something to do with it. After today and my visit with my grandparents I can't go at all. Grandpa went to have his kidney treatments done like he always has done 3 days a week 4 hours each day. Well I guess on Saturday his blood pressure got really low and he stopped breathing the nurse thought he died. He wasn't breathing for 45mins which scares me so bad. He has been my rock since I was a little girl he was there for me when the sperm donor walked out of my life. To walk him go through this is hurting me he was the strongest man to me as a kid I really depended on him for so much. He is so kind hearted and would do anything for his family. I just wish I had never heard about this because I worry so much about him. Even hubby is worried about him which tells me this is serious really serious. I just broke down today crying because its scary to watch him hurting and knowing theres nothing you can do to make the greatest man and grandpa in the world feel better. My grandmother is so strong to be able to be so strong in dealing with this I wish I had her strength and courage. It would probably be better if hubby was here but he does his job for us and our life. He's dealing with his own stuff his dad might have cancer its hard to deal with nothing someone you love could be hurting. Why can't life ever be easy just for a little bit.

Random Noises

I really hate being home alone some times. I hear so many noises in the house at night. I can't sleep without the TV on but I can't sleep with it on if that makes any sense. The other week hubby stayed out till 3am I was so mad because I had to be at work at 9am. Like I said I don't sleep well when he's not home but especially when he's going to come home and wake me up. My house makes so many noises all on its own and with the kitties help. A few months ago I heard there cat toy moving and they were all in bed with me. Its not a toy that can move without something moving it I think that was my cat Star who died in that room but still not what I needed at midnight. I guess I just wish DH was home more even though he does hog the covers.

Wonder

Sometimes I sit here and wonder how my life got this way. If I had made different choices how different would my life really be. I love my life how it is but I wish I would have figured out what to do with college a long time ago. Instead I've been there for 7 years and still need a year and a half to graduate. Growing wasn't in my plans till now. Getting married has defiantly made me look at my life. Its weird to say wow I'm married am I really that old my friends have children and we all responsibilities that I swear I never thought we would get to.

On to something happy hubby and I went to AAA this weekend and got the tickets for Disney. I'm hoping this year works out better than 4 years ago. I told myself I would never go back but I'm willing to give the "happiest" place on earth a second chance. lol I just can't wait to leave and get away from the drama that is my life. I try and get rid of the drama but its keeps popping up everywhere.

Our Trip

Hubby and I decided to go to Orlando for our "real" honeymoon. We really need this trip our lives are so crazy as of lately. I think going away for awhile will make my life a lot less stressful. I won't have to deal with everyones stuff. I did realize I will miss our fur babies so much I hate to leave them for so long but they will have lots of people looking after them.